Deck The Halls--Not Your Parents

Advice Column for the December issue of The Champlain Current

The holiday season has always been a difficult time for me—well, at least since 1997. I learned at the young age of seven that Santa Clause was not real, that my mom was snacking on sugar cookies in the early hours of Christmas morning, and that the things you put on your Christmas list are never guaranteed to end up under your Christmas tree.
I didn’t ask for my two front teeth or a pony. All I wanted for Christmas the year of 1997 was to have my Dad back. On December 21st, 1997 my father suffered a heart attack that took his life. I was young and naïve. Not so naïve in a sense that I thought Santa was real, but that I though that if I asked for my Dad back on my Christmas list, he would be there waiting for me in the morning.
Since that Christmas, I insisted that the holiday was pointless. I put on my worst attitude and dragged myself through aisles of stores with my mom and put up with “Jingle Bells” ring tones. Don’t get me started on holiday concerts in elementary and middle school. My friends nicknamed me after the main characters in stories like A Christmas Carol and The Grinch. However, this Christmas, 12 years later, I have finally let the ends of those classic stories play out in my own story.
I spent our Thanksgiving break in Connecticut with my oldest sister, Heather, and her kids, Alexa who is 7, and Cole who is 3. Heather was 26 when our Dad died and was able to get to know him throughout those years. She actually knew our father. While cooking Thanksgiving dinner, Heather covered up her hand with a Santa Clause oven mitt and pulled the Parmesan Mashed Potatoes out of the oven. I let out a large, disgusted, “Santa pisses me off” sigh.
Heather questioned my noise and when I told her my reasoning, she said, “well, that’s a shame, Christmas was Dad’s favorite holiday.”

Writer François de la Rochefoucauld said, “The only constant in life is change.” If you can disagree with reason, I’m all for hearing it. Shoot me an e-mail. I’m can imagine that when you went home for the Thanksgiving break, you experienced quite a bit of change. You weren’t drinking beers while eating dinner with your family like you do at school. Your siblings might have gotten used to you not being around. Your friends might have changed quite a bit while they were away at school. Your house might have even changed now that your room could be used as a resting place for a guest—hell, you might even be that guest in the house. But get ready; the soon to arrive holiday break is much longer. All the things that changed will run thicker through your days because you are going to have to adjust to them more. So, I am here to give you some advice to handle yourself, and your surroundings, when you head home.

The Zit Analogy
Having a fight with a family member is like having a gigantic zit on the plumpest part of your cheek or on the very top of the ridge of your nose. You think that if you just keep picking at it, removing the hard, crusted part of it, it will be less noticeable. Well, we’re wrong. You should just let the zit go about its nasty process and it will eventually fade out and your skin will be back to its normal status.
Remember this analogy when you head home for the holidays. There is nothing more difficult and unavoidable than arguing with your family. Your argument is you’re your zit—you can get a few good picks at it but in all honesty with yourself—it’s not worth it. Just let it go through its course without adding to the irritation. Rely on the family members that you do get along with; Take a walk in the (maybe not so) wintry wonderland outside your home; call a best friend who can calm you down or Facebook someone from high school you haven’t seen in a while; make sure you let your family know if you have plans with friends seeing how they expect you to be home for the holidays; go out and make a snowman if you can! Just remember, stay calm—the spring semester will be here before you know it!

Deck the halls—Not your parents
It’s difficult living under your parent’s roof after living on your own for several months. When you headed off to college, you were forced to grow up (which is an awesome situation to be forced into). You are now “the college student” in the family. You might be lucky and not be the only one! However, you are stuck between to categories: too young and old enough. At College, you’re old enough. You make your own decisions. You get wasted when you want. You stay out as long as you want. You wake up when you want.
Your parents might not agree.
You can solve this problem together, though. Talk to them. Explain to them how you have changed and how you go about you days. They will probably worry about you going out with your friends and somehow making it home. Simple, ask them to come get you. Chances are, they have been waiting all their life for you to make that responsible decision to ask them to come get you. When I went home for my first Christmas, I spent an evening drinking at a friend’s house in the neighboring town. I realized I was certain to get a DUI and go to jail, so I called my Mom to come get me.
She didn’t answer.
This didn’t mean I grabbed gears in my Forester and drove home. But, when I woke up in the morning to my phone ringing over and over again, I explained to my mom that she didn’t answer so I slept (or passed out) on my friends couch.
Just remember, you parents aren’t there to torture you. If they were, child services would have swooped you out of their nest years ago. They just want you to be safe.

My Mom has always gotten frustrated with my “I hate Christmas” and “Santa’s stupid” attitude. I am the only one of my mother’s children who didn’t know our father and it is difficult for me to enjoy the season that removed him from my life. My sister Heather’s kids are seven and three. They love Christmas and think Santa is somewhat like God. My sister Erin’s first child is about six months and she has a solid ten years of Chris Kringle loving to go. Between my Mom and my sisters, I have realized that I’m not the baby in the family. I am an Aunt, a sister who will help Santa leave gifts under the tree. Times have changed and my opinions needs to as well. So, this Christmas, I will have my picture taken with Santa, decorate my apartment, and have support from my friends, family, boyfriend, and new puppy.